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I recently came back from a run. It’s surprising to state that statement. It seems it was likely many years since I last did so. But It came to my attention that my levels show somewhat raised cholesterol, and doctors suggested to do sweaty exercise regularly.

It’s the initial instance in living memory that the reason to work out has been my bodily well-being. When I was younger, I exercised because I desired to be thinner. At times I ran to cure nervousness – I was just running away from the anxiety, without confronting it. Sometimes, I ran because I sought to enhance with jogging. It signified what it meant to me at that time to create a superior lifestyle.

Jogging with altered intent now prompted contemplation about the ways I’ve related with my physique throughout my life and how this is changing as I move from youth to being a middle-aged person. I don’t think I’ve respected my physical form, not deep down. I’ve prized it solely for its roles and the objectives it served me: seeking approval; escaping emotions; completing a speedier 5K run. Until today, I’ve not understood that my body is me, it embodies my life, rather than something that produces results.

A great deal has been discussed through history about the division of mind and body – which you will be relieved to know, I won’t summarize here. What resonated most compelling is Sigmund Freud’s view that mental and physical selves are naturally unified right from the start, because physical development demands emotional evolution and the reverse is true. The infant’s physical sensations – for example the physical sensation of hunger – propel the brain to cultivate the capacity to identify hunger as a sensation that may be satisfied by nourishment; and the psychological solace and satisfaction repeatedly brought by feed after feed feeds the child’s mind similar to the milk sustains them physically. Likewise psychological experiences – such as the urge to stand up and reach for something, and the determination to attempt repeatedly – are the reason and method the body develops power. Starting at birth, mind and body are interconnected in reciprocal evolution as integrated as a double helix.

But It’s become clear, in treatment with my therapist, that my consciousness and physique may exist in a different kind of relationship – a more separated and somewhat abusive. My psyche may employ my body to hold and manifest things that my psyche considers unacceptable or intolerable. During therapy it emerged that there are specific feelings that I worry are too much for me; rather than experiencing them mentally, I subconsciously push them into bodily form, where they get stuck as physical symptoms.

I often had this with indigestion – not connected to food intake, but represented a type of corporeal reaction of the harsher emotions I couldn’t digest in my mind. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but once it was raised to my attention by my analyst, and my fear and sensitivity and rage and terror could be felt and expressed verbally in place of converted to bodily feelings, it disappeared. I seldom experience with digestive issues today.

The most severe episode I endured this intense reflux, I was unable to sleep for multiple consecutive nights. I believed I was forfeiting my mind. I went to the GP, who scheduled all sorts of diagnostic procedures, but no issues were found physically wrong. The situation was an alternate medic who suggested that the origin might be emotional. My analyst did not disagree. I was stunned, but I also knew it was accurate.

If an individual experiences a corporeal problem, they can be offended at the suggestion that it may have a psychological cause. They can experience this as being disrespected, being told that their symptom is imagined. Naturally that does happen – people can have their symptoms dismissed or misdiagnosed. However, sometimes it might be that the corporeal issues are genuine – certainly – and the origin is psychological, the unconscious using the physique to convey some pain or anger or whichever sentiment the conscious self fails to handle. At times, it’s easy to think our experience is only valid if manifested as bodily symptoms. We continually disrespect our mental states as individuals, as a society and culturally; why else would we tolerate the appalling elimination of psychological therapies in public healthcare?

Life lessons have shown me that a better life cannot be created if we remain trapped without realization in ways of relating, inside us and with others, that stem from disrespect, exploitation and transaction. These dynamics are often easier to spot “out there” in the general public. It’s perhaps less comfortable to think about their origins, and to see these patterns within ourselves and within our closest relationships, in the economy of our minds.

However it’s valuable to continue. When I put my running shoes once more post a long hiatus, venturing out not for a better body, or to eliminate a sensation, or to beat a 5km time, {it